Painful experience



About this single

Don’t stay at home. Please.

The hardest thing about separating from an abusive partner is the decision to leave him. The mere thought of separation triggers panic fear in many of those affected, which goes far beyond fear of loss. Interviews for reports on domestic violence almost always begin with the inevitable question why abused women do not separate.

Those affected are also asked this question by friends, family, colleagues. If the question is asked retrospectively and the person in question is separated in the meantime, one of the most frequently mentioned reasons is dependence. Typical reaction to this answer: incredulous shaking of the head.
Those affected are ashamed of this dependency, and are too often shamed by outsiders for being so dependent despite violence. Misconception: the dependence on an abuser is not despite his violence immense, but by violence. Violence causes that any thought of separation puts the person concerned into a state of panic fear, which makes clear thinking impossible.

Any approach to the topic of separation automatically evokes the memory of the former time of bliss, of Dr. Jekyll. Separation is equated with the loss of Dr. Jekyll, which brings all the symptoms of addiction to mind.

Stop abusing me. I say yes to my no!

Separation as an option only becomes conceivable and endurable to the extent that you succeed in shifting the focus away from Dr. Jekyll and towards Mr. Hide. But that is damn hard, because with these two sides it is the same as with the two sides of a coin: You can only see one side at a time. And that is why the experienced scary, cruel and contemptuous face of your partner fades away as soon as you are physically separated.

Painful experience

Vocal by Pascale Peng
Orchestra and Synths by Pascale Peng
Guitars by Phil Erdin
Bass by Phil Erdin

Mixed by Phil Erdin
Mastered by Phil Erdin

Arranged by Pascale Peng
Produced by Pascale Peng
Lyric by Pascale Peng